I re-learned over the past few days that I desperately need the internet even when not working, because without it I go insane. I was without a computer for about two and a half days. I blew through five Kathy Reichs novels, two Philo Vance books, and knit half a dozen rat hammocks, and I was still excruciatingly bored.
Knit what, you ask? Rat hammocks. Rodents, you see, have this charming habit of eating holes through their cage accessories. The word rodent in fact comes from the Latin rodere, which means "to gnaw". They also compulsively pee all over everything they like, including you if you happen to be holding one on your lap. Thus, if you want your rat décor to last more than one evening, it needs to be made out of something that's liquid-proof and not at all toothsome.
Cheap acrylic yarn, it turns out, is not delicious, and it's about as absorbent as motor oil. It also goes in the washer hot-hot, doesn't need to go into the dryer but doesn't care if you chuck it in anyway, and when knit into ribbing along either axis, it stretches so capaciously that a hammock sized for one rat will actually accommodate three or four when the inevitable blithely self-centered pile-on happens. ("One rat will fit into this comfy bed place. I am only one rat! Surely this will work. *plops self directly onto the two rats already in the hammock, wonders why napping spot is so warm and lumpy*") The rats couldn't care less what color yarn they're piddling all over, so I make them out of all those little leftover balls of scrap that you can't use for a project because there isn't enough of any one kind.
I have family issues that I'm sure you'll all be hearing about eventually, but suffice it to say the winter holidays are not my favorite time of year, and I try to keep myself busy. This year I've decided my project is Knitting For Rats. So if you knit or crochet or otherwise craft, and have a bunch of those too-small balls of yarn cluttering up your closet, feel free to send them over to me. Email me at miss.arabella.flynn at gmail dot com for a shipping address.
If you send me yarn and you would like some of it back in rat-usable format, let me know and I'll be happy to send a few hammocks your way, free of charge. I consider it fair payment for sending me shit that keeps me occupied.
If you don't have yarn to send but you have need of some rodent cozies, for $5 I'll send either a set of flat (rectangular) and corner (right triangle) hammocks, or one of the two-layer pocket hammocks. Domestic USPS ground shipping included; please inquire for combined shipping on larger orders or for international costs.
|Pocket hammock -- the diagonal line is the edge of a top triangular pocket. The lower layer is a full rectangular shelf.|
|Flat rectangular shelf hammock, and right-triangle corner hammock.|
Surplus rodent accessories will be donated en masse to the nearest rat rescue I can find. There's at least one large official one that handles New England rats, and there are probably smaller local ones.
My standard hammock size is 12" when stretched for hanging, as that happens to be the width of the Rathaus the Bridge Crew is occupying, but I can make them in other sizes upon request. Each hammock has edges finished in i-cord with a 1" steel split ring incorporated at each corner. (I usually attach them to the cage bars with large stainless safety pins, which are also not delicious.) I'll try to honor preferences if you have them, but the only color officially available is "mystery grab bag", and depends on what I end up with. Weird yarn like homespun, ombré and variegated, and the mock-angora fuzzy stuff is also welcome, as well as yarn in puzzlingly ugly and/or retina-destroying colors -- believe me, the rats don't care.