Advent Calendar 17 Dec: Carollers Ftaghn!

Today's amusement is a set of sanity-lowering Christmas Carols, courtesy the H P Lovecraft Historical Society, via someone or another at MIT.


Lyrics gratefully taken from the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society songbook "A Very Scary Solstice"

Freddie the Red Brained Mi-Go
(To the tune of "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer")

You know Deep Ones and Dark Young and Shantaks and Shoggoths
Nightgaunts and Polyps and Fungi from Yuggoth
But do you recall the most loathesome beastie of all?

Freddie the Red Brained Mi-Go
Had a very slimy brain,
And if you ever saw it, you would scream and go insane.
All of the other Mi-Go
Laughed at him and made remarks.
They never let poor Freddy whisper to them in the dark.

Then one foggy Solstice eve
Hastur came to say,
"Freddy with your brain so bright, won't you scare some folks tonight?"

Then how the Mi-Go loved him
As they buzzed about the place.
"Freddy the Red Brained Mi-Go, you'll live out in darkest space!"

Great Old Ones are Coming to Town
(To the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town")

You'd better watch out, you better go hide
An Elder Sign's needed for this Yuletide.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

They're making a fist and shaking it twice
They're going to hit you, naughty or nice.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

They're bringing ugly Shoggoths
And horrid Deep Ones too.
Shub Nigggurath is waking up
And so is Cthulhu!

So you better watch out, you'd better go 'way
Before the big guy comes up from R'lyeh.
Great Old Ones are coming to town!

Silent Night, Blasphemous Night 
(To the tune of "Silent Night")

Silent night, blasphemous night,
People quake at the sight.
Monsters rising from deep R'lyeh,
People screaming "Please go away!"
Great Cthulhu has come
Great Cthulhu has come.

Silent night, blasphemous night,
Great Ones reign, death's in sight.
Horrid beasties enslaving mankind,
Cosmic terror destroying your mind.
We are all going to die,
We are all going to die.

Mi-Go We Have Heard on High
(To the tune of "Angels We Have Heard On High")

Mi-Go we have heard on high,
Weirdly buzzing in their flight
Multitudes of antennae
Make strange voices in the night,

Ia, Ia Shub-Niggurath
Ia, Ia Shub-Niggurath!

Fungi, why this revelry?
Why collect our brains in cans?
What can your agenda be?
Authors of some eldritch plans.

Ia, Ia Shub-Niggurath
Ia, Ia Shub-Niggurath!

Away in a Madhouse
(To the tune of "Away In A Manger")

Away in a madhouse, confined to my bed,
From visions and nightmares that filled me with dread.
The doctor has sweetly inserted a probe
To sever completely my prefrontal lobe.

Electroshock therapy, mind-numbing pills:
They change my behavior to cure all my ills.
I love the asylum, my own padded cell.
I'll stay here forever, for outside it's hell.

The Shoggoth Song 
(To the tune of "The Dreidel Song")

I had a little shoggoth
I conjured up one day.
I used an elder sigil
So shoggoth and I play.

Shoggoth, shoggoth, shoggoth
With mouths and pseudopods.
Shoggoth, shoggoth, shoggoth,
Foul creature of the gods.

One day while we were playing
My monstrous pal broke free.
I'd dropped the elder sigil,
The shoggoth turned on me.

Shoggoth, shoggoth, shoggoth,
He ripped into shreds.
Shoggoth, shoggoth, shoggoth,
We played and now I'm dead.

O Come, All Ye Olde Ones
(To the Tune of "O Come All Ye Faithful")

O come, all ye Olde Ones,
Ithaqua and Glaaki;
Come foul Tsathoggua and all nameless ones.
Come Great Cthulhu, rising from the ocean.
O come, let us implore them,
We really can't ignore them,
O come, let us restore them,
Great Olde Ones.

Their old dominion
Mankind now rules blithely,
Stars turning overhead to mark out our doom.
They will return here, greedy and malevolent.
O come, let us implore them,
We really can't ignore them,
O come, let us restore them,
Great Olde Ones.

I'm Dreaming of a Dead City 
(To the tune of "I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas")

Some old press clippings, my uncle's notes, a bas-relief made of clay.
The horrors that these convey have given me much dismay.
I think I'm starting to go insane.
Strange nightmare images haunt my brain.

I'm dreaming of a dead city
Where Deep Ones swim in depths of night.
Where Cthulhu's sleeping while stars go creeping
Until the time when they are right.
I'm dreaming of a dead city
With angles Euclid wouldn't know,
That was built strange eons ago, and will soon come up from down below.

I'm dreaming of a dead city
Where Deep Ones swim in depths of night.
Where Cthulhu's sleeping while stars go creeping
Until the time when they are right.
 I'm dreaming of a dark future
Ruled by that Three-Lobed Burning Eye;
When the Old Ones' coming is nigh, and you find that death itself may die.

Dance the Cultists 
(To the tune of "Deck The Halls")

Dance the Cultists in their folly
Fa la la la la la la la la
'Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Watch them kill and disembowel
Fa la la la la la la la la
Troll a Yuletide carol foul
Fa la la la la la la la la

See the blazing god before us
Fa la la la la la la la la
Join us in our morbid chorus
Fa la la la la la la la la
Follow him in mindless prayer
Fa la la la la la la la la
Great Cthulgha in his lair
Fa la la la la la la la la

Here Comes Yog-Sothoth 
(To the tune of "Here Comes Santa Claus")

Here comes Yog-Sothoth
Here comes Yog-Sothoth
Quick, let's try to hide!
God, he's huge!
Those iridescent globes are six miles wide!
He's just turned Dunwich to goo
And had it for a snack.
He's gonna visit your hometown
So run and don't look back!

Demon Sultan Azathoth 
(To the tune of "Good King Wenceslas")

Demon Sultan Azathoth
Bubbles in confusion.
Center of the Universe,
Sprouting foul protrusions.
Muffled madd'ning beating drums,
Hellish flutes a-playing
Round him dance the Other Gods with voiceless, mindless swaying.

Many-formed Nyarlathotep
Bodes mankind's destruction.
Calls us to our certain doom,
Voice full of seduction.
You can't help but dance behind
Gyrating and turning.
Tears of joy streak down your face
As the world dies burning.

Yog-Sothoth is Gate and Key,
Binding time to matter
When his gaze falls on the earth
Laws of physics shatter
Try to chain him with your laws--
Pitiful equations!
Naught but dust and sand shall mark
Your obliteration!

Tentacles 
(To the tune of "Silver Bells")

Tentacles (tentacles), tentacles (tentacles): it's Solstice Eve, and it's scary.
In my dreams (in my dreams), hear my screams (hear my screams)
Soon we shall all see R'lyeh.

See the cultists dancing round now with their sacrifices.
In the air there's a feeling of Madness.
In and out now, of my mind now, soon I'll be gone for years,
And forever thereafter I'll fear...

Tentacles (tentacles), tentacles (tentacles): it's Solstice Eve, and it's scary.
In my dreams (in my dreams), hear my screams (hear my screams),
Soon we shall all see R'lyeh.

 Do You Fear What I Fear?
(To the tune of "Do You Hear What I Hear?")

Said the nightgaunt to young HPL,
"Do you dream what I dream,
In the dark of night, HPL?
Do you dream what I dream?
A beast, a beast, clutching you so tight,
With a face as black as the night
With a face as black as the night."

HPL said to old Farnsworth Wright,
"Do you fear what I fear?
Weird Tales editor, Farnsworth Wright?
Do you fear what I fear?
A god, a god, waiting to be free,
With a voice as deep as the sea,
With a voice as deep as the sea."

Said Cthulhu to the human beings,
"Do you know what I know?
Succulent and doomed human beings?
Do you know what I know?
The stars, the stars, soon will be in line,
I shall reclaim that which was mine,
I shall reclaim that which was mine!"

Cthulhu Lives!
(To the tune of "Jingle Bells")

The Deep Ones wait you know
Swimming in the sea;
Their numbers they will grow,
Swimming safe and free
He's not dead, but yet dreams
'Til that fateful day
When they set the Old Ones free
On mankind's final day! Oh!

Cthulhu lives, Cthulhu lives, deep down in the sea
In the city of R'lyeh, waiting to be freed. Hey!
Cthulhu lives, Cthulhu lives, deep down in the sea
In the city of R'lyeh, waiting to be freed.


Awake Ye Scary Great Olde Ones 
(To the tune of "God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen")

Awake ye scary Great Olde Ones, let everything dismay,
Remember Great Cthulhu shall rise up from R'lyeh
To kill us all with tentacles if we should go his way.
Oh, tidings of madness and woe,
Madness and woe,
Oh, tidings of madness and woe.

In Yuggoth and in Aldebraan the Great Olde Ones were spawned.
Imprisoned by the Elder Gods to wait for long eons.
Enticing humans to release them, chanting dreadful songs.
Oh, tidings of madness and woe,
Madness and woe,
Oh, tidings of madness and woe.

An Arab said "That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And in strange eons you will find that even death may die."
The Great Olde Ones will rule once more and all will be destroyed!
Oh, tidings of madness and woe,
Madness and woe,
Oh, tidings of madness and woe.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fish-Men 
(To the tune of "It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas")

It's beginning to look a lot like fish-men
Everywhere I go;
From the minute I got to town
And started to look around
I thought these ill-bred people's gillslits showed.

I'm beginning to hear a lot of fish-men
Right outside my door,
As I try to escape in fright
To the moonlit Innsmouth night
I can hear some more.

They speak with guttural croaks and to hear them provokes
A profound desire to flee
Their eyes never blink and quite frankly they stink
Like a carcass washed up from the sea.

I wish I'd paid attention to that crazy drunken man.
He tried to warn me all about old
Marsh's Deep One clan.

It's beginning to look a lot like Fish-men
Everywhere I go;
They can dynamite Devil Reef, but that'll bring no relief,
Y'ha N'thlei is deeper than they know.

I'll continue to see a lot of fish-men
That I guarantee.
For the fish-man I really fear is the one who's in the mirror
And he looks like me.
He looks just like me.

We Three Friends of HPL
(To the tune of "We Three Kings")

We three friends of HPL are
Howard, Smith, and Bloch from afar
Writing letters to our better,
Learning from HPL

Oh, mind of wonder, mind of might
Mind with keenness ever bright.
Sought precision through revision,
Teach us how to weirdness write.

Death to the World 
(To the tune of "Joy To The World")

Death to the world!
Cthulhu's come:
Let earth abhor this thing.
Let ev'ry mind prepare for doom, as anguish and woe he'll bring. x3
Up from the sea, R'lyeh did rise.
The cultists are struck dumb.
With ancient rites so wretched and perverse Cthulhu's time is come. x3

Death to the world! Cthulhu reigns.
The Great Old Ones destroy
With wrath and doom, so cruel and foul replete with obscene joy, x3
He rules the earth with dreadful might
And through our ghastly dreams his twisting turning tentacles elicit from us madden'd screams.
Cthulhu's time is come. x3

Unholy Night
(To the tune of "O Holy Night")

Unholy night, of darkness never ended!
It is the night when the Old Ones arise.
Old legends tell, though few have comprehended, that waking will speed man's demise.
For countless years they ruled the world around us, and when they're back they'll rule the world again
Fall to your knees! Oh see the heavens crumble!
Oh endless night, oh night the Old Ones rise.

Long have they lain in slumber darkly dreaming
And whisp'ring secrets to man from the grave.
We hear their call to patient evil scheming
And gladly answer that call as their slave.
The stars will turn in bright array above us,
And when they're right we'll call upon our gods!
Fall to your knees! Oh hear the heavens rumble!
Oh endless night, oh night the Old Ones rise.

Oh holy shit! At last Cthulhu's rising
Out of that huge non-Euclidean door!
I must admit, it's really quite surprising
And I've never been terrified more!
 Now madness strikes, mere words cannot describe him.
This eldritch god, this titan spawn of stars!
Fall to your knees! A mountain walked or stumbled!
Oh endless night, oh night the Old Ones rise.

Look! Professor Angell Brings
(To the tune of "Hark! the Herald Angels Sing")

Look! Professor Angell brings
A strange box of arcane things.
Here's a lengthy manuscript,
And news items that he clipped:
Stories oddly unenlightening,
Very strange and vaguely frightening.
And, defying disbelief,
Here's Wilcox's bas relief!
Look! Professor Angell brings
A metal box of arcane things.

Read! his tale of awful dreams,
Full of dark and evil themes.
Omnipresent eerie sounds
Seem to come from all around.
Nightmares of a local artist
Baffling even to the smartest.
Written down and drawn quite well;
Do our future they foretell?
Look! Professor Angell brings
A metal box of arcane things.

Hear! the tale of poor Legrasse,
In a swamp with Spanish moss
Hunting down some Cajun voodoo,
He discovered something new:
Cultists mad and homicidal
Dancing round their eldritch idol.
Burn it all! Don't even wait.
Don't let contents correlate!
Look! Professor Angell brings
A metal box of arcane things.

Comments