Happy birthday to me, fuck my life.

I turn 34 today. I have now officially survived longer than Jesus. I do not get a day off. I may have to go to court on Thursday.

The rats are fine, because I know you're all dying to know. They are blissfully unaware. They got a bowl of slightly-wilted lettuce for dinner last night, and are very pleased with themselves. Yuki has taken to keeping herself cool while sleeping by lying out splat on her back with all of her little feets in the air. Edelweiß uses her as a pillow.

If you want to help me un-fuck my life, I have a GoFundMe. Normally, I assume if something has gone horribly wrong, it's because I screwed up. For once, this is not my fault. I was a goddamn grownup and I signed a lease for an amount of money I could afford, and two other people were not goddamn grownups, and vanished into the wind. The other grownup roommate and I got stuck with a bill literally twice as high as we could handle. I am too ground down to have any dignity left, so if you want to donate to pat yourself on the back or raise your karma or impress a girl or whatever, do it.

If you wish to buy me objects instead, here are some housewares I need. I've just moved. I couldn't really afford to do that, but it did beat being physically removed from the old apartment by the police, so. In order to foster the illusion that there is some stability in my life, I am pretending that owning only packable furniture is a deliberate design choice. Color scheme is black and chrome, with television-phosphor red, green, and blue. It amuses me, anyway.

If you feel the need to send things whose only value is entertainment, then there are a bunch on here.

If none of the above, but you want to do something anyway, please link to media featuring small, fat house pets, funny and clever humans, and interesting brain teasers down in the comments.

It is now half past five in the morning, I have taken all the fucking sedatives I'm allowed to, and I am going to bed whether they kick in or not. I watched the launch of The Late Show With Stephen Colbert earlier, because we're not paying for cable TV but CBS.com will give you a week of streaming for free, and if sleeping doesn't work I'll try to write something about it.


  1. Happy Birthday.

    (said hesitantly)

  2. Sending best wishes that the court thing went well for you.

    And the rats are always cute to hear about.

    As for amusing media, are you acquainted with the work of Ursula Vernon?


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