"Welcome to fucking Boatmurdered!"
I love video games. Unfortunately, I am total shit at some of them. Anything based on an FPS engine, for starters. I have zero sense of space without being able to actually stand in it, and I am chronically lost in level geometry. I can wander about and admire it, in a slapdash fashion, but when it comes to actually playing, I blunder around blindly and run into things and generally fail in a horrible fashion that is either hilarious or aggravating to no end, depending on whether you're watching me from the sidelines, or on my team in co-op mode. Similar problems plague me in dogfight sims. Another category at which I am laughably bad is real-time strategy. I'm reasonably okay at SimCity things -- although I am way more amused by loading a scenario and then just triggering natural disasters while I laugh in a manner befitting an evil god -- but anything that involves military tactics is right out. I'm not actually short on the kind of plotting ability you need to win the ...