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Showing posts from May, 2014
I am not doing terribly well right now. I'm not eating very well, or very consistently. It's getting harder and harder to wake up to my alarm, and to get myself out of bed when I do. I'm spending more time pretending to be reasonably okay so that people will not bombard me with attention than I'm spending being actually reasonably okay.

The computer is still broken, and although it's probably a fifty-cent part that's failed, getting it fixed would cost so much that it's more worthwhile to just buy another indestructible Toshiba, that I can fix my goddamn self in the future when it breaks. In my so far unsuccessful efforts to scrape together the money to do this, I've cut back on things like going out to shows or dinners. It turns out that these occasions are apparently what I use to develop some sense of time passing. Without them, one week just blurs into the next, and I lose track of everything. Boss Lady has been making the rounds of conferences this…

Anatomy Of A Migraine

About 3pm. I am in a foul mood. I have been listening to music and entertaining myself by trying to put together some hooping choreography. Then all at once the bottom drops out, and it dawns on me that this is a pointless exercise, as nobody is ever going to see it. I fetch up in the kitchen with the computer, grousing at someone unfortunate enough to be on Facebook Messenger.
I have no idea if the sudden plunge is a harbinger of migraine, a trigger for migraine, or merely co-morbid with the migraines. An acute case of emo is part of the prodrome of colds and various gastrointestinal misery for me, to the point where I can tell something is up before my nose even starts running. On the other hand, stress triggers depressive episodes, which in turn trigger headaches, which in turn put me under more stress, because I can't cope with anything when my head hurts. YMMV.
It takes the person I am grousing at pointing out that mood changes are connected with his migraines for me to notic…
One of the other reasons I've been absent from Ye Old Blogge a lot is, frankly, I went through a rough patch where I went straight from being sick into being exhausted into being sick again, and that always makes me emo. Shockingly enough, I've actually spent a fair amount of time talking to someone because of it. Fortunately, this one's working better than my efforts at eyeballing Ricky until he starts telling me things. I'm not sure I'd cope so gracefully if everyone I tried to make friends with were that slippery.

He says he has no secrets. He also says he lies a lot. I choose to believe judiciously: So far, everything he's told me about life and events hangs together coherently enough to be true, so I assume that it is. (To be fair, if it turns out to be a load of hooey, I stand to lose nothing but the illusion of a friendship. Disappointing, but not going to ruin my life.) He suddenly turns into Obi-Wan Kenobi when I ask him how he feels about things and w…
Still not dead. Very tired, though. I'm in a movie! It's apparently going to be about six minutes long, which totally explains why it took 13 hours to shoot. If you happen to be in the Boston area, the screening is Wednesday, 5/7, at the Kendall Square Theater, with Group C of the 48 Hour Film Project. I was working with The Sense of Dream, directed by Chloe Chau Le.

Tomorrow (today) I have office hours for possibly the last time this month, as Boss Lady is going to be out of town, and then I get to go stand naked in front of someone's art class for a while. So I should probably sleep. G'night, all.

Weekend Radio Theater: Burns & Allen

I am very good at getting into other people's heads. Not infallible, mind. But good enough to know that I should never try it on anyone I don't genuinely like and want to listen to, because if it works, I'm going to wind up hearing a lot whether I want to or not. It's a combination of intelligence, skill, constant practice, and hypervigilance. It's probably fairly obvious that I came by most of it from being surrounded by dysfunctional people: Two of the things I can spot most reliably are people who are lonely and depressed and trying not to let anyone else know that, and impending train wrecks that I want to stay far the fuck away from. If you live in a house of lunatics and can't get out, you learn this stuff as a matter of self-defense.

I can usually work out if it's welcome or not. It throws some people off-balance; others just plain don't like it, or me, and are not interested in telling me a damn thing. I try to be hyper-alert for signs that some…