The NRCC has had a brilliant idea. They have set up a printer to spit out a page containing a message demanding the repeal of ObamaCare, "signed" electronically. One page per name. They have also set up a webcam to show these pages shuffling forth as they are being printed.

The page which receives names to automatically mail merge onto the printed sheets is on the internet. Like, right out there in front of God and everyone. Accessible to anyone with a browser.

Somehow, nobody thought there would be a problem with this.

The SomethingAwful goons have gotten a hold of it, and are pranking the fuck out of people stupid enough to rely on a sense of social obligation to make the internet treat this like Srs Biznis. Anne Frank is apparently quite the troll, as is Helen Keller. Tim Buckley's name ended up atop one of the piles to the side of the printer. They were unsurprised to discover that they couldn't get "Barack Obama" through, but they were rather angrier that any name that sounded excessively "ethnic" was silently dropped on the floor. So naturally they all sloshed over to Wikipedia and have started going down the list of serial killers and fictional people with names of Anglo-Saxon origin.

So far they've managed to get two of the Avengers through the filter. "Steve Rogers" is likely to be someone's real name, but the other one they managed to slip through was "Tony Stark" -- although knowing Tony, if he really did protest the plan, it would be on the basis that he already had a large corporation lying around somewhere that would be happy to take federal money for providing health care, and would probably do a better job of it than the government would.

They also discovered that the main filter is some sort of fuzzy probabilities thing which apparently just checks to see if the name is plausible. "Weedlord Bonerhitler" is a staunch proponent if this bill, it seems.

There are now Canadian goons specifically hooking in through a US proxy in order to make fun of the NRCC. It's such a shame that peer pressure doesn't seem to work on Americans.

[Edit: Someone got Clint Barton through, not to mention Rich Whiteguy, Richard Head, Katy Perry, Jimi Hendrix, and Brock Samson. Ooh, and Harry Potter.]

[Edir 2: Their filter has decided that "Fidel Castro" is clearly a real submission. They appear to be filtering the names of most of the evil fascist dictators in history, but someone clever got them to print Carl Marks.]

[Edit 3: Harley Quinn, Stan Lee. Apparently it didn't like Jack Napier, though. It'll take George Zimmerman, but not Trayvon Martin. The stack of printed pages is now so high they're just falling off the out tray and presumably off the table. There is a 10-15 minute delay in printing, and the goons are frankly unsure that any of these names are non-pranks at this point.]

[Edit 4: Their filter is complete shit. Star Fox went through several times. Goons are taking bets over whether the poor intern responsible for unjamming and refilling the printer is laughing as hard as they are.]

[Edit 5: The goons have concluded that if the name Dong Head has gotten through, there cannot possibly be any human watching any part of this process. Bolstered by the fact that someone got through with HelpI'mStuck InThisPrinter.]

[Edit 6: The goons have also concluded that the best rebuttal to having a hundred reams of this shit dumped at the President's feet and called a "popularly-supported petition" would be for the President to calmly sit down and spend an hour or so reading the list of names aloud, ideally on TV. I concur.]

Comments

  1. Dying laughing over here. My cat's looking at me like I'm crazy.

    (Also, your link is broken - it's got an extra http// in it. Took me a couple tries to figure out why I was getting a weird redirect.)

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    Replies
    1. Fixed. Sometimes Blogger fills in the http:// part on its own, sometimes not. I guess it did this time without bothering to let me know...

      (As far as the cat is concerned, you are crazy. Laughing at the computer instead of handing out food and tummy rubs? Blasphemy! The rats look at me the same way.)

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