10 Things I've Learned From The Doctor


  1. People ask you all kinds of nosy personal questions when you show up out of the blue. You are not required to answer them. People get really distressed about this sometimes, but in an amazing coincidence, this is not your problem.
  2. You don't need to know anything about other people to help them. They don't need to know anything about you, either. You do kind of need to figure out what they need helping with, however, before you make the mess worse.
  3. You can fix an astonishing number of things with a screwdriver and some string, as long as you also have ingenuity.
  4. Never assume something is out to kill you unless it is, right at that exact moment, actively trying to kill you. Better to start out with greetings rather than exchange of fire if you can manage it. Unless they're Daleks. Then you run like hell until you can find a gun that gets through dalekanium.
  5. Always make sure that your overcoat has as many pockets as you think you'll need. And, whenever possible, at least one more than that.
  6. Never drag anyone along on your adventures who doesn't sincerely want to go. They'll only be miserable and carp at you the whole time. Moreover, it'll end extraordinarily badly. If someone keeps telling you they hate doing things with you and want to leave, this is a sign that you should break the hell up already.
  7. At least half the time, if you walk around somewhere like you belong, nobody will notice if you don't. If you can fake that, you're set. The price of having this wondrous social power is never ever ever using it to be a dick, because then you'll be spotted instantly and thrown out.
  8. It is okay to stop talking to people on the grounds that they're incorrigible asshats. It doesn't matter if they're also Time Lords. You can totally be both.
  9. Bullies don't take it well when you stand in the middle of the room and explain, very loudly, exactly what they're up to. This alone will often make them stop -- removes, or at least reduces, their pool of victims substantially.
  10. Dress however you damn well please. Most people are too preoccupied with their own lives to notice that your fashion choices are three hundred years and four planets away from what they're expecting.

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