I am emotionally exhausted.

I just lost one rat, and now Plugh -- the lumpy rat -- is starting to behave oddly. He's not gone yet; he did hip check his brother off a box last night for some peanut butter. But he's getting thinner and thinner, and is on his way out. I've asked him to please hold off dying until I have more than forty cents in my bank account.

I went into the studio Monday and danced until I hurt myself. Both in the sense that parts of me ache right now, and in the sense that I somehow managed to stab myself on some part of a smoothly-polished hardwood ballet floor, and didn't notice until I'd smeared blood all over my arm. Normally I'm better at pacing than that, but I am too tired to care about pretty much anything less immediate than dying pets right now.

I am so ground down that someone handed me an $800 laptop last night, free of charge, and I couldn't even be excited. I don't know that he paid $800 for it, and it would have been a few years ago, but it's a substantial improvement on the one I have inasmuch as it is not falling the fuck apart. (I hasten to assure you all that the innards of the ASUS are fine -- it's still a perfectly good computer. The shell is just a bit shit. I haven't replaced the keyboard because I'm afraid if I took it apart again the bezel would disintegrate into pieces and I'd never get it back together.) I should have been jumping up and down and hugging the thing, but I had to put conscious effort into making sure the expressions of gratitude came up and out and were in a format other humans can parse.

Instead I just took it home and spent three hours dispassionately trying to install Ubuntu on it via the SD card slot before realizing that GRUB was somehow broken by its weird hardware configuration. (Tiny SSD boot drive, big honking 500GB platter drive for file storage.) Since Linux takes to whole-brain transplants much better than Windows, I figured it would be easier to just pry all the computers apart and cram the SSD into the newer, smaller, Macbook-style machine. I store all the huge A/V files on external drives anyway. So now I have an all-aluminum, all-solid state, touchscreen ultrabook. It's got like four hours of battery life, and without the mechanical HDD I don't think the fan even bothers turning on anymore. Yay? Maybe I can pencil in being thrilled sometime next week.

Now I'm eating Boss Lady's ramen while feeding her cats, and at some point I'm going to have to get up out of this chair and go home. Home would be nice, except I also have to scrub a rat cage, and also there is a fair amount of cold weather between here and there. I was so lazy last night that I actually took the bus two whole stops from the nearest T station to get out here, and I'm likely to take the bus two whole stops back today. I have had so much fucking caffeine and it's not doing anything.

I suspect I am going to spend all of tomorrow in bed.


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