Yet more time on the doctor-go-round!

So I have been down to the doctor's office yet again. This one is actually pretty smart; she will read things I bring her and talk about receptors and neurotransmitters with me, and twice she has brought up things I had been delaying asking her about because normally they're things that make physicians pat me patronizingly on the hand and shut their ears to anything else I say.

She will also listen to my arguments for and against things. I laid out my case for trying propranolol, and it was not her fault that it didn't work right. She also apparently thought I was ultimately right when I told her flat out that not knowing whether I will get the medication that works when I break down and ask for help caused me a lot of stress, and led to me not taking my Xanax when I was actually supposed to. I pointed out that if she were worried about tolerance, she wouldn't have offered gabapentin; if she were worried about discontinuation, she wouldn't have offered gabapentin or clonidine; and if she were worried I was going to do damage to myself with any of this, she definitely would not have issued me several weeks of blood pressure medication in one fell swoop. (It's surprisingly difficult to OD on benzos. If I took two weeks of Xanax at a time, I'd throw up the insides of my own feet and then sleep for a couple days straight. If I took two weeks of propranolol or clonidine at once, I'd be quite dead.) So I've been given a bottle that holds the maximum total amount of Xanax I am authorized to take -- but probably won't -- over the course of two weeks, and scheduled for another appointment two weeks later, which is frankly all I wanted.

She also issued me a bottle of hydroxyzine, which I have had before and mercifully already know does not do terrible things to me. Hydroxyzine is nominally an antihistamine in the same general class as diphenhydramine, which also doesn't do terrible things to me, as long as I considering 'being fucking stupid' to be an acceptable side effect. Historically, it's also been used as an anxiolytic, specifically for treating anxiety that arises as a side-issue to a separate physiological condition. Hydroxyzine is less stupefying than Benadryl, and since it's also less apt to make me twitchy, it's overall better for treating insomnia. (It's also pretty effective at nuking hay fever, FWIW.) Why it's still Rx-only is beyond me. We put deadly shit like Tylenol out on the shelves for normal mopes to buy, and the "non-drowsy" allergy medication cetirizine is one of its first-pass metabolites, so I can only assume 'paperwork error'.

In any case, it does fuck-all for panic attacks already in progress, so you can pry my Xanax out of my cold dead hands, but it will be nice if I can sleep through minor noises like the neighbor's kids hammering up and down the stairs. Especially since the landlady seems to think that a 9am text is sufficient notice to barge in at noon with someone who wants to squint at the woodwork in my room for thirty seconds. Which it isn't, legally. Document document document. Gah.

Posting random observations about Stephen Colbert inexplicably made my hits counter shoot up to double normal for the day, so I expect I'll do more of that soon. I did get my paws on both of his books. He doesn't seem to have ever written anything strictly as himself; both books are in-character as "Stephen Colbert" and have a bunch of "editors" listed, and although he's been a writer for a variety of TV series, it's always been in concert with other people. The character voice for the correspondent-turned-pundit does seem to be largely his, as he can spit it out fluidly without any preparation, but in text I can't be sure how much it's been prodded by other people.