Anxiety III: Dependence

I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to my support from the bottom of my heart. The way I grew up taught me that help does not exist, and every time I get it, I'm surprised all over again. 

I did finally lose patience with the people who were dicking around instead of getting me a new contract. I've done ad hoc work for them in the past, without getting the contract in advance, but previously they have always 1) handed me the standard contract when I walked in for the gig, and 2) paid me in full and on time. As they cannot manage either of those anymore, I have a lot less tolerance for lollygagging. Essentially, they emailed me for something and I responded, in polite business-speak, "I'd love to help you but I don't technically work there right now. I've been reminding you for more than two months that my contract was going to run out, and that I would need a new one. And lo, for my contract has run out, and nobody got me a new one. Fix it and I'll come back to work."

I don't think they realized I was serious until one of them tried to set up something without me, and ended up texting me with questions. I told him where the manuals lived, wished him luck, and turned off my phone. I don't know how that event went, but my guess is 'not well', because the next afternoon I got an email from the office manager asking for some details so they could write up a new contract. And then another one two hours later, because I'd been too busy making a magic snake puppet for someone who could hire me properly to see the first one.

I'm still worried about October. The contract says they have to pay me within two weeks of the hours worked, but I have to pay rent even if they fuck that up again. I am obviously looking for a different part-time gig, because money that doesn't arrive on schedule isn't very useful for budgeting with.

I have grant applications going in. One of them offers, in addition to resources and studio space, $6000 cash. I realize that there are a lot of people that wouldn't consider this an impressive amount of money, but for me this would be a solid six months of basic living expenses. Stuff like this, by the by, is also why a lot of disabled artists scrape by without trying to get federal disability payments -- there is a hard upper limit to how much you can have in your bank account before your SSDI gets yanked, and it is way under $6000. Getting any kind of lump-sum grant like that, or going over half-time hours for any particular work week, automatically cuts off your funding. School is scholarship or nothing, because any grant or student loan that disburses into your bank account will fuck up your life.

We did find a new roommate. He's a friend of the exiting roommate who's trying to move here from Providence, which incredibly enough is even more expensive than Boston. His criteria were "very cheap, okay with queer people" and our criteria were "pays rent on time, won't murder the rest of us in our sleep". Exiting roomie is a good guy, he's just finally made it to the top of the list for Section 8 housing, and his judgement's pretty okay, so it seems like this will work out. 

Work is picking back up. I'm back to hanging costumes from the crown molding in the order they will be used, which is nice. That's about where I was before the world shut down in 2020. I've been to a few casting calls. I don't expect much to come of them. I've never gotten a dance gig from a blind audition. Acting, yes; dance, no. I have many talents, but learning choreo on the spot from an unfamiliar instructor is not one of them. I get hired as a dancer by people who have seen me dance, either in person or on video, so clearly I'm doing something right. I will be at the BDA Open Call later this month, though. The lady who runs the BDA not only knows who I am, but was emailing me last week asking if I could fix whatever was wrong with their Eventbrite tickets for the thing, so I am hoping that will help make up for whatever I mangle in the open class.

I've also skipped a bunch of auditions because they charged a fee. I am not looking for opportunities, I am looking for work. I passed that a while ago as a model, now I'm there with dance. I am not going to pay money for you to decide if you might possibly maybe hire me for something. The BDA Open Call is running open classes that I want to take, and choreographers are welcome to come watch and reach out for casting, but if I didn't actually want to take the class I wouldn't have signed up. I am ignoring casting calls from anybody who runs a "collective", which is usually code for "you have to pay money to participate in our pieces". 

I have to go back to making the magic snake puppet now, but I really am grateful to all of you, for everything. Have a rat.