Jenny Trout just tweeted a link to this article, which is a short rant about how dudes telling dudettes "I like natural beauty, don't wear any makeup!" is just as annoying as "How about putting on some makeup, you'd look nice!" Which in fact it is.

I've gotten both from time to time. I don't wear any makeup, most days. I would love to tell you it's because caking on foundation every day is bad for your pores blah blah compulsive cosmetic alteration is a sign of body dysmorphia blah blah blah EVIL PATRIARCHY blah blah yakkity-schmakkity, but the actual reason is that I'm a devoutly lazy fucker. Every minute I spend spackling my face is one more minute I'm not lying in my warm, comfortable bed, fantasizing about being a combination best-selling author and internationally-famous rock star and listening to three rodents who have never been truly hungry for a single second in their tiny little rat lives try to tell me that they are WASTING AWAY and need breakfast right NOW, while throwing the parts of the broccoli florets they don't want into their water dish. On the other hand, when I do wear makeup, I wear a lot. Either it's for work, or it's New Year's Eve and I've woken up that morning (afternoon) determined to go out wearing a ridiculous amount of glitter, even if it's just to the bank and the grocery store.

The fundamental misunderstanding here seems to be that other people assume I am wearing makeup to make myself look better. I'm not. I'm wearing makeup to make myself look decorated. I wear the stuff for the same reason people draw things on pieces of paper -- it makes pretty designs. Having the skill to make the marks in an artistic fashion is pretty valuable, and other people might be impressed by the aesthetic value of the marks themselves, but the paper they're on is neither improved nor degraded by the sketch. It's still whatever kind of paper it was before.

Seriously. It's still my face -- which is a perfectly fine face, because everybody's face is fine -- it's just got paint on it. You're welcome to have an opinion about this, because everyone has a right to hold whatever opinion they want on pretty much anything, and I guess you can share it, because it's theoretically a free country still? I just reserve the right to ignore you and possibly also think you're a douche, depending on how you phrase it and how insistent you are.

I would like to note, because nobody seems to have done so yet, that men who wear face paint probably get this even more than women do. (It is only a minor consolation that people are more or less equally confused by anyone of any gender talking about physics while wearing obvious eye makeup.) This is because we, as a society, seem to be frigging idiots. Women won the fight over trousers and short hair and work boots ages ago. It is about goddamn time that men win the fight about makeup and dresses and uncomfortable shoes that force you to take the elevator everywhere you go. We are improving, very slowly; it's gone from "you are clearly attempting to disguise yourself as a woman" to "you are obviously gay and wish to be fancied by men, as women are" to "fuck you and your gender stereotypes" already. I keep hoping we'll get to the point where being a guy wearing eyeliner just signifies that you are a guy wearing eyeliner, but since we haven't even gotten to the point where being a girl wearing eyeliner just signifies that you're a girl wearing eyeliner, I'm not going to hold my breath.

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