Update to the update:

After several rounds of Flexeril, I seem to have gotten things back into anatomical position myself. Now it just hurts like a horse has somehow managed to kick me deep in the middle of the hip joint. Walking is difficult, because it doesn't want to bend. Were I not capable of a deep plié with all of my weight on the other leg, 100% of the objects that were on the floor when this started would be there still. Standing and sitting also make it complain, although not enough to make me burst into tears like I was doing before.

You know how, when you're really tired or really drunk, you'll start doing something and then somehow lose your train of thought in the middle of it and grind to a halt, and have to concentrate hard to figure out what the hell you're doing there? I was doing that, except instead of just being distracted, I was distracted and crying and doing breathing exercises, because it hurt. It took me ages to get anything done, if I managed to finish at all, because I couldn't think straight. It was a constant barrage of mental interruption. Left to my own devices, I probably would have starved. My meals were mostly bread and analgesics, and I'm not sure what I would have done when we ran out of bread.

More worryingly, I'm not sure what I would have done when I ran out of painkillers, either. It hadn't occurred to me that I could be in so much pain it prevented me from getting pain relief, but apparently it is possible for that to happen. Oof.

The doctor did ask me how much it hurt, and I was like I don't know? Found a chart that framed it as level of functioning, and maybe 7? 7.5? The way she reacted to 'have to keep stopping because CRYING' makes me think she thought that was a little low. I don't know how to rank these things. I mean, I did walk down there without any help.

It still hurts like a motherfucker, and unloading the dishwasher this morning was definitely a tactical error. On the other hand, I didn't have to follow through on my backup backup backup plan, which was checking myself in via the ER so someone could give me an epidural, so probably I'm okay? I have an appointment with imaging on Tuesday, so they can take some pictures (that are likely to be uninformative, as once you've got all the bones back in place any remaining soft tissue damage won't show up on X-ray), and a referral to PT/sports medicine at a nearby hospital.

I did look up what kind of exercises physical therapists are likely to prescribe to keep things like sacroiliac dislocations from happening again, and it turns out that they're things like... hula hooping. And belly dance. The idea is to strengthen your core, particularly your abs. I may just be, as the great Bender says, boned.